Well this whole weeks been a series of events. i`ve been having trouble drawing things completely becuase of stress coming from school,parents,all around. but then somehow in someway ..i tried different methods of coping with it.. yesterday i found out my friends closest dog died..the dog meant alot to her.. more than anything.. in a way though when we would all gather up to her house i feel this dog was important to us too. it was welcoming to see her at the entrance every time me and my bf would come over. eventually on one of my hangouts i drew her becuase i wanted her memory to last in the moment. i drew her sleeping on the bed covers.  its amazing how my friend would have the dog sleeping with her all nights  becuase i`ve never actually seen that type of connection between someone and their pet. but it was wonderful. when i came to her house. it did feel different. the difference was obvious. but in a way she was in pain and i`m relieved she`s no longer in pain. i never met my friends other pets but i`m pretty sure Thats where the dog might go.  noted that i was angry about something regarding my friend.. but when i heard this happened.. i dropped all my anger..all my confusion.. it just went away..

my friend koi told me ,"you`ll know the person is worth it if they are in pain".
i did something awkward last weekend  and i was mad at her for it. to the point where i didn`t want to see her or anyone.. i kinda felt lonely and lost.  this only happened a few times...  yet. for some reason the previous times... something random would happen... from meeting a very weird chipper guy on the train. to something even odder. but this time it wasn`t a random event. or something stupid..

it was something important.it was cupcake,her dog. the dog that every time i would come over. would greet me  and the dog that last week. lied down next to me on the floor becuase she wanted to be by us.
i stopped being angry at my friend  not becuase of what was happening.. but becuase i chose to be a friend and be there for her.
even if i can`t make her feel better
even if i can`t do anything to help her get happier again.
i think the fact of just being there.
is what koi meant...


onto other things i need to find an internship and make sure these next 3 weeks go smoothly. there`s nothing else on this Dwindling Lantern.